Our world was changed forever this past Monday.
Surprise...it's twins!!!...
but...you have an incredibly large subchorionic hemorrhage that will most likely cause you to lose both your babies.
We found out Christmas morning we were pregnant. We told the kids and close family but decided to hold off on an announcement for a few weeks. The next two weeks went by with me being nauseous and tired but nothing unexpected or out of the ordinary from how my other pregnancies happened.
Until..Sunday, January 12th my back started hurting horribly during church. It came on all of a sudden and was pretty hard to deal with all day. I was also overly tired that day and had to lay on the couch and nap which is very unusual for me pregnant or not.
That evening right after we'd gotten the kids tucked into bed, Nathan and I were standing in our room laughing about something funny he'd said when all of a sudden blood started running down my legs. Panic immediately set in as no one wants to have bleeding during pregnancy.
I bled very heavily for the next hour and had a difficult time containing the crying. I was for sure I was losing my baby. Nathan and I tried to comfort each other but the unknown is just so overwhelming. The bleeding went down to just light spotting and we finally fell asleep knowing there wasn't anything else we could do.
I got an appointment the next morning with the midwife center to have an ultrasound done to check on the baby. Going in for an appointment like that is really scary and overwhelming.
The ultrasound tech said she wouldn't be able to tell us anything during the ultrasound, that we'd have to wait to hear from the midwife what was going on. She started doing her thing and then stopped and asked me if I'd had an ultrasound done yet? I told her no and asked why.
She said "well I'm not supposed to say anything BUT..there's two babies! You're having twins!"
My first respond was "Are they alive!?"
She said yes, they had good heartbeats and were measuring at 7 weeks.
The next few minutes while she completed the ultrasound are slightly hazy. I normally watch the screen the whole time an ultrasound is being done but I just laid back and had to take it all in. I went in expecting to hear the words "I'm sorry but there's no heartbeat." But instead I heard "You're having twins and your babies are healthy and alive!"
Nathan and I were quite shocked and also very happy. I was still worried what had caused the bleeding and when we got to the midwife's office we found out why.
I have a very large Subchorionic Hemorrhage surrounding the babies. It's at 75% and the midwife said in her 30 years of working in this field it's the largest one she's ever seen. And she didn't feel they had much chance of surviving the pregnancy.
The news was all too overwhelming. First I thought I was losing my baby, then I found out I am carrying twins which is such an incredible thing, then find out that I'm at an extremely high risk for losing them both.
She advised me not to get to excited or to tell anyone because the chance of miscarriage is so great. And I have spent this past week in such turmoil...torn between the happiness I feel that there are two sweet babies inside me...something I never imagined would happen to me...and then the intense fear and realization that I may never get to see, to hold, to know these sweet babies.
I am praying with everything in me that God does a miracle and heals this hemorrhage and protects our twins. We love them so much already. We want them so bad. The kids are so excited and also aware of what's going on. But we are all hopeful...as we know that the unexpected can and does happen.
I don't think I have ever felt so afraid in my life. I have never experienced fear in pregnancy and it is undoubtedly the worst feeling ever. All I want is for these precious babies to stay safe and healthy. I am asking for anyone who reads this to please lift up our babies in their prayers.
I know some people will wonder why we decided to share our news when there is such a risk of miscarriage but whether we have to say good bye to our babies or not...I want to celebrate them, to share our happiness and love for them, and to also ask that you pray for a miracle with us.
We are going to spend each day thankful for our babies and looking forward to the day we can hold them. We are aware of what could happen but also want to live in the hope that they will survive and live beautiful healthy wonderful lives with us.
We go in on Wednesday, the 22nd to check on the babies and see how everything is going. Please please keep us in your prayers.
Thank you to my best friend Kim Norman for meeting us on such a cold day yesterday and taking these photos for us.
