Edit: It is so hard for me to go back and read the birth part of this post or to just think about how the hospital handled my twins' birth. It's so hard for me to think about how I didn't stand up for myself or couldn't stand up for myself because I was so far along in labor that I wasn't in a position mentally or physically to really stand up for myself. I should NEVER have agreed to a cervical check the moment I walked into the hospital. Then a hairpiece getting put on me, tons and tons of staff surrounding me in the OR, not even realizing I had to go into an OR, the bright lights, the small bed, the paperwork being shoved into my face to be signed, the ultrasound being done to me on the side of the bed....it was absolutely INSANE the way they approached my twin birth.
My second twin birth that was with a midwife was TOTALLY opposite from my birth done with an OB and after experiencing such peace with my second set, I really began to unpack what happened with my first twin birth. It should not have gone down like it did. No OR. No bright lights. No epidural at nearly 10cm, No paperwork in my face. No hands all over me. No cervical check. None of that. It should have been calm and peaceful like my second birth was. I should not have had my girls wrapped up moments after birth not allowing me to feel their skin. I should not have dealt with SO many things that I dealt with.
I wanted a totally different experience with my second set, so I did everything I could to make that happen and I did. Of course I'm thankful my girls are healthy and that I was healthy, but the way we birth matters and what happened to me should not have happened. I'm sharing this now because if you're reading this and you're pregnant with twins, I want you to know that your birth can be super uncomplicated and super peaceful like my second twin birth was.
......
It was Thursday, August 13 2020. I was 37 weeks pregnant. I took the kids to a park we'd never been to before. It was beautiful. A pond, a playground, lots of trails. The kids got their feet wet and we walked some trails. We spent several hours there and really enjoyed our time. I was happy, tired and swollen by the time we left. People were shocked to see me out at so late in my pregnancy walking trails but honestly, nature makes me happy and is so good for my soul. So, all during my pregnancy I tried to be outdoors every day and walk as much as I could.
Earlier that day I had made sure I took pictures of our room with the babies' crib set up in our room just to be sure I had them done before they arrived.
The following morning...they arrived!
This is their birth story....
August 14, 2020:
It was 6am when I woke up from a contraction. It wasn't a Braxton hicks. I was sure of it. This was deeper and lower...way down near my bottom. This scared me. It scared me because contractions like that usually come for me when I'm getting pretty close to being ready to deliver.
A few minutes later...two more contractions...and then I felt my water break.
I stood up and water came gushing out. I waddled to the bathroom as fast as I could trying to keep fluid from getting on the floor. I sat down on the toilet and called Nathan. He was at the fire station.
It was 6:15am by this point. Yes, three contractions in 15 minutes!!!
These babies were coming FAST and FURIOUS.
"Hello."
"It's today!"
"Is it?"
"I had three contractions in 15 minutes and my water just broke. You need to get home fast!"
"Ok! I'll head home now."
....how I told my husband our baby girls were on their way.
I called my mom and told her to head over. I messaged my oldest sister and let her know I was in labor. I called my best friend and told her to head to the hospital. She was coming there as my photographer. She's been at two of my other four births and is always such a support and calming presence knowing she's capturing the memories I couldn't get myself.
I called the hospital to talk to the "on call doctor". The hospital office said they would get a message to the doctor. The doctor never did call me. I called the office several times but he never called. It was a good thing this wasn't my first pregnancy and I knew what to do regardless of him calling me or not.
The contractions were only THREE minutes a part from the moment they started at 6am. My water kept gushing out more and more and then my mucus plug came out. My husband was going to be at least 45 minutes until he got home and my mom was going to take the same amount of time. We also had a 30 minute drive to the hospital.
I was starting to panic a bit thinking about that because that meant over an hour before I'd be at the hospital and my contractions were getting harder with each one and were so close together.
Jude came into the bathroom right after I'd called Nathan. I was standing there in one of Nathan's thermals and my underwear with a towel under me, water running down my legs.
He didn't seem phased about this and just came in talking on and on about the Treasure Planet movie we'd watched the night before. When he took a moment to pause, I told him I was in labor and explained I would be going to the hospital to have the babies soon.
He followed me around the room as I tried desperately to focus on getting through the contractions and packing a hospital bag at the same time. No, I hadn't packed my bag yet.
Alanna and Lennon came into room a little bit later and then Liam. My mom came in and walked in on all my kids and my dog standing by me as I leaned onto the bed, trying to breathe through a contraction.
"Lennon, get out of my face" I remember saying to my dog. My mom took him out and I very breathlessly explained to my other kids that I was in labor and would be having the babies that morning.
Nathan came in the door and I was SO happy he was home. I was still moving slowly about the room trying to pack a bag, pulling a towel around with me keeping it to catch the fluid that was still leaking.
He was ready to get to the hospital right then but I was struggling to get things together because the contractions were coming on so fast and had gotten pretty hard by this point.
I imagine it was a somewhat comical sight, My mom said Nathan and I sounded like something out of a movie :) He being so ready to go and asking what I still needed to pack. Me saying it wasn't helping me move faster by having him fuss at me. He really really didn't want me to have the babies in our room and him have to deliver them. He knew very well I was getting really close to needing to push and was ready to get out of there. He's incredibly amazing during my births and I'm so thankful he was there to help me get out the door when he did because I definitely would have had them at home if he hadn't been there to make me leave faster.
The ride to the hospital was pure torture. Every bump and turn during a contraction felt like complete torture. I kept telling him to drive super slow which...when your wife is possibly about to push babies out in your van...you don't exactly want to drive under the speed limit :)
We got to the hospital at 8am (two hours after I started having contractions). They had a wheelchair ready and took me into a room to be checked while the OR was prepped for me. The nurse checked me and I remember yelling "GET OUT OF ME!" because it hurt so bad having her check me. I was pretty much over taken with pain and not thinking as clear as normal :) I later apologized for yelling but she said no worries all in a days work and she's had much worse said to her.
I was already at 8cm when she checked me which I had already assumed I was at least that close. They took me down the hall in a wheelchair towards the OR. All twin births are done in the OR room at the hospital just in case something goes wrong and an emergency c section needs to be performed quickly.
Someone put a hair net on me and I started to freak out. "What's that! Why are you putting something on my head!" I've had intense fear around all the masks with covid19 and had two severe panic attacks during two of my office visits just a week or two prior to going into labor, so having something put on my head without being asked sent me into a panic. They explained everyone would be wearing them since we were going into the OR and as much as I wanted to tear it off my head, I managed to calm down about it and let it be.
As we entered the room I was nearly blinded by the massive bright lights that hung down over the bed. I remember the first thing I saw was the bed. It was so tiny, so much smaller than normal hospital delivery beds. Then I saw about 15 people in masks coming towards me or moving about to get things ready. I looked for Nathan. This was terrible. It was not what I was used to. It all felt scary and strange and I could not get myself calm. I called out to him "it's so bright! The bed is so small! There's so many people in masks!" "I know. It's all different" he said. "It's going to be ok", he told me.
By this point the pain from the contractions had hit the unbearable stage. On top of being in a total and complete state of panic...the pain was overwhelming.
They asked me to lay down on the bed so they could get an ultrasound and hook the monitors up onto my belly. Laying down during contractions is just about the most terrible thing ever. I have always always hated and avoided laying on a bed during at contraction at all costs unless I was being checked or ready to start pushing. I tried to lay down but as the contraction started I shot back up and just kept saying " I can't I can't it hurts too bad"!
The nurses and doctor told me just to stay sitting up and they placed the monitors on me like that and did the ultrasound with me sitting up. Both babies were head down still and they were healthy and happy in there.
At this point, I had so many hands on me. So many papers being handed to me to sign (which I could barely manage out a scribble of nonsense because I was in so much pain and so fatigued) So many faces near mine. Masks. Gloves. Hair covers. And I could barely recognize my husband because he was covered from head to toe in the OR equipment. I also couldn't barely reach him. It was all too much. I just wanted it to be like my last three births with things that were familiar to me. None of this was normal.
I looked up at him. I didn't have to say the words. He already knew. I was in complete and utter panic and could not get on top of the pain. "Baby! I can't get on top of the pain! Everything is so different than I'm used to. It hurts so bad. I'm so scared of the pain! I don't want to hurt any more!" I said. Again, he reassured me he understood and asked me what I needed. "I think I need to get an epidural!" I can't take the pain. I just want it to stop."
I asked for an epidural and the doctor called for the anesthesiologist. He came quickly and they had a discussion about what option was best for me. My contractions were barely minutes a part and lasting forever and SO incredibly painful. I was already at 9cm by this point and had already yelled out several times "I need to push" as I was bearing down. The doctor wanted me to have a spinal, but the anesthesiologist wanted me to have an epidural. He looked at me and asked me to trust his judgement. I did.
I held the nurses hands as he did his work. My IV was more painful than the epidural. I barely felt a thing. A few minutes later and I went from crying, panicking, and feeling dizzy and scared to calmly laying on the delivery bed chatting with everyone like we were having a jolly good tea time.
I felt nothing during each contraction and I felt my entire body make a drastic shift and fall into relaxation. I looked up at Nathan and said "I should have just gone natural...I know I can go natural, but everything was different! I was just so scared!" He kissed my head and told me it was ok and he was happy I was ok and calm.
I didn't realize it then because I was so panicked but if I had just laid down and pushed...I could have had the girls in a few minutes. I basically held the girls in long enough to get the epidural and have it set in. Because about 10 minutes after getting the epidural, it had taken effect and the doctor said I was at 10cm and I could push.
I was so calm and happy at this point. "Really! It's time! We're going to meet our babies honey!" I said to Nathan.
Two pushes and Milla came out. I didn't feel pain but I felt the pressure and knew exactly how to bear down and push her out. Had I not ever gone natural before with three of my previous pregnancies, I wouldn't have known what it felt like to bear down and push her out. I'm thankful I had that experience before and knew what to do.
The nurses laid her on my chest and the first thing I saw was a full head of dark hair! The most hair any of my babies ever had. She was beautiful and smelled so good. Her noises and soft skin against mine was so incredibly overwhelming and filled me with so much love. She was beautiful with her head full of hair and squishy little face! "Look at her dark hair baby!!, I said to Nathan as we looked at our perfect little girl.
As I snuggled her into me I pushed again to deliver Mara. Two pushes again and Mara came swiftly sliding into the doctors hands. A beautiful blonde headed, itty bitty baby girl was laid onto my chest. Her tininess and blonde hair were the first things I noticed. She was perfect with her sweet little lips and perfectly round face.
Nathan and I looked at each other almost in disbelief. But this was real. Our two baby girls. Once told they had little chance of surviving...to now here. Healthy. Beautiful. Perfect. I was crying. I'm sure Nathan was too.
They were a miracle. Our miracles.
After they were born and swaddled up, we were moved to another room.
I began to have really violent shaking and I could not get it under control. The nurse said the shaking was caused from coming down from the medicine from the epidural. I was also freezing. She put about six blankets on me, some were heated.
Here the girls were weighed and measured. We also facetimed with the kids at home and let them see the girls that way. It was so upsetting that they weren't allowed to visit the girls in the hospital but I'm thankful we had facetime to at least allow them to see them.
It took about an hour for my shaking to stop. Once it did I was able to nurse the girls for the first time and then we were transferred upstairs.
We spent two days at the hospital and it was our most enjoyable hospital stay. The nurses were all very nice and the food was good. The nurses agreed they didn't need to come into check on me at night and I was able to go all night without having someone coming in and out of my room unless I called for them.
Nathan and I enjoyed the two days of quiet in the hospital and food being brought to us without us having to prepare it :) However, we were very ready to get home to our other children. Two days is all we had to stay which was our shortest stay for any of our births. All the rest were a three day stay.
I'm still so amazed that my twin birth was my fastest labor, least amount of tearing, and shortest hospital stay of all my births. I'm very happy with how the whole birth went. My prayer for this pregnancy and birth was to make it to at least 38 weeks, have a vaginal birth, no epidural, and no nicu stay. I went at 37 weeks, had a vaginal birth, did get an epidural though, and no nicu stay. So, it was almost exactly what I'd prayed for.
We left the hospital on Sunday afternoon and finally got to introduce the girls in person to the rest of the family.
Everyone was so excited. Everyone took turns holding both girls and even our dog Lennon was really eager to lick all over them.
And my mom was there to get our first photo as a family of eight.
It's been three months now and I can barely remember what life was like before them.
I feel so incredibly blessed to be a twin mama and just so thankful for every day I get to be mama to all my six children and wife to my soulmate.
*Thankful for my best friend Kim being at my birth, supporting me, and taking my birth photos for me. She is so incredible and I'm so blessed to have her in my life.
